


sonatina

by shizuruu



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, composed of snippets, fluff if you don't read the last part (((pianissimo))), otherwise it, uh, you'll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-28
Updated: 2014-11-28
Packaged: 2018-02-27 07:58:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2685185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shizuruu/pseuds/shizuruu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The room is quiet as they both do their jobs. They're not particularly romantic, they're not even a couple yet they sleep in the same bed sometimes and Levi counts the breaths against Erwin's jawline as he falls asleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	sonatina

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jezincino](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=jezincino).



**i. piano**  
  
My presence is offensive to your strategy or something like that but it is also necessary because who else can give you the wings you need. You may have the brains but I'm the arms and legs of your plans, I am your blade and weapon, I am the one to die on the front line.   
  
You often tell me that I should behave myself properly; I tell you the food I eat now is even worse than what I had to eat before and there's much less of it so I'm definitely not content enough not to be rude. You make a grimace. You don't like me being to cheeky but I don't like bowing to anyone.  
  
We live in a fragile symbiosis as you put the task of keeping me at bay upon yourself. Your duty is to make sure Idon't cause trouble and don't escape but really, the price of freedom would be death and I'm partially opposed to that, at least for now. so our rooms are next to each other, I can hear you scribbling all night and there's a light coming out of your window nearly throughout the entire night. sometimes I can hear you talking but no one answers - only to find out you were talking to yourself.   
  
You're determined to treat me just like any other trainee which is exactly why you fail at the task. I have found out that behind your mask of impenetrable perfection you're shit at taking care of yourself. You are able to handle the whole legion and make sure we are groomed perfectly (before our untimely deaths) but you yourself aren't able to take care of yourself properly. There's no one to do it for you. Maybe the control isn't what you need but what the humanity needs. You need to lose it once in a while don't you?  
  
I never ask.  
  
 **ii. crescendo**  
  
Three things to be found out about you yet - what do your hands feel like under the cover at 2 am when you can't sleep and mumble to yourself - are you ready to die tomorrow - are you happy?  
  
I have no answers to these questions and maybe I'll never know. I don't particularly mind but I've realized that setting a goal helps me focus on staying alive. Maybe I don't want to know the answers because what would keep me up at night, what would tell me to live, what would my reason be?  
  
Your eyes are steadily scary and more like hollowed out cages inside your face. I see you more often lately, I guess it might be because I go out of my room more.   
  
My rank is quite unexpected of an event but I don't reject it because at least I have a fake motive for snooping around your office so much. Being a captain is less the glamour that's imagined and more paperwork and signing other people's deaths, making them official.   
  
You never come to my room but you call me to yours quite often. The non-invasiveness is strange compared to when we met, you're burnt out.   
  
But perhaps I am too - we are not getting any younger after all and with every death we peel away a bit more of our shell, it's called getting ready for winter to come. So maybe when I die you won't care much except for the hole it will cause in your plans. ah what a shame.  
  
When you call I come, it would be more humiliating if I didn't know that yours was a plea and that the control of the situation was mine to take.   
  
In your room we just sit quietly, I help you sort through the reports, fill out the less important ones and when I get too bored of that, I start cleaning. There's no rules on what's supposed to happen when I come to you, no clear order and you let me do whatever I want to. so I clean and I always leave before you go to sleep - sometimes I suspect you don't sleep at all because of the ever present light and paper thin walls filling my room with the sound of your chair moving.   
  
You call me a ghost when I leave once - you tell me:  
  
"You're like a ghost, so quiet."  
  
There's no humor in your voice but there's a silent chuckle, small voice letting me know that you want me to, need me to-  
  
"Good night"  
  
Ah what a shame.  
  
 **iii. forte**  
  
With the fall of Maria we share a room, there's a shortage of space and way too many young soldiers sent to their deaths by the government because there's not enough food for them. We still have seperate parts of the room and it's like living with a shell of a human being. You're horrible at taking care of yourself even more lately.   
  
It just so happens that between our casual talks we develop a routine. In the mornings I wake up first, occupy the bathroom and then go to wake you up. Your hair is on the right side of your face as you blearily look up at me and say nothing. a quiet household, some would say and they wouldn't be exactly wrong per se. I spend the time you take to wash yourself getting ready and by the time you're out of the bathroom I'm already up and ready to get breakfast. Quickly we both recap each other's schedule for the day and I'm out of the door, ready to kick some lazy cadet's ass.   
  
Of course the whole day is spent working until evening when we finally meet again. Your hair is messy by then and it takes some effort for me to brush through all the tangles you magically manage to create in your hair. You thank me and we spend some time talking about what happened today while drinking tea that I prepare.   
  
Your whole plan of looking after me and checking up on me turned into me having to baby you, like an incompetent child rather than the commander of the legion. We spend the rest of the evening filling out reports. Then I start getting ready for bed, take a book to read and stay up with you. Usually I'm the one who has to tell you to go to sleep becaue it's too late. Like a magical switch, it makes you blow out the candle and go to your bed. It's like you're just waiting for someone to tell you that it's okay to sleep for once, that humanity can wait.  
  
Sometimes you're the one to fall asleep first, at your table and so I drag you to your bed (you're not as heavy as you're tall) and blow out the single candle myself.  
  
Your hands are very cold when you can't sleep at 2 am.  
  
 **iv. fortissimo**  
  
It's the strange feeling that I get as soon as I see you with the rest of the legion following like a pack of stray dogs. It's the salute and the return of it with your only hand at your heart, when your breaths haven't been a lullaby to me and when your cold hands - hand under the covers isn't warm because I couldn't keep it that way. It's the mutual guilt and understanding we reach as we are ready to rescue Eren and maybe to die and I ask you, I ask you: "Are you happy?"  
  
And your face just stays the same and you say: "Humanity wins now".   
  
I want to strangle you and hug you and my right hand itches as I kill Historia and as Eren stares in tears and as the squad watches me and nobody stops me, you don't. I'm just doing what you need, but you won't take the fall for it.   
  
Humanity has won.  
  
 **v. decrescendo**  
  
Your lips taste like fresh bread and it doesn't answer the last question but maybe it will never be answered. Maybe it's the only way to stay together - to keep the mystery, to keep the distance. everybody has big dreams only I am the humanity's strongest (humanity's most hated), and you are the commander of the battle in which both sides lose.   
  
Maybe it was me or maybe it was you but I remember that the kiss was inevitable, it came not like a whirlwind but slowly, like a wave washing over us, finally drowning us and I never ask, I never ask: "Are you ready to die tomorrow?" because it doesn't matter, not anymore.   
  
**vi. interlude**  
  
Sometimes I wonder with the hands upon your shoulders and softly trembling knees, were we meant to fall this way?  
  
I'm still ready to die for you anyday, and maybe that's the only thing that matters. your nightmares crowd my mind and scare me and when a kiss breaks the silence of the morning, you know it's time to go.  
  
The shop opens early and Renata wakes up even earlier, her tiny legs eager to run over everything in her path. There are several kids living under our roof because after the Historia defeat, a civil war broke out and there were more orphans than there were adults.   
  
You go make the breakfast and i open the door to a new day.  
  
 **vii. pianissimo**  
  
Hanged for crimes against humanity is my verdict and you don't protest. You're ready to die tomorrow, I know. My last question has been answered at last as I wait for the execution. Your fingers are cold for the last time and my whole body aches.   
  
You say "Goodbye"  
  
"You look like a ghost," I laugh and wave at you.   
  
You stand up straight for one last time, saluting. Painfully I put my hand on my chest.  
  
I don't mind falling if it's with you I guess.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry. if something isn't capitalized and it should be it's cause i was writing this all in small caps and capitalized later and i'm really tired


End file.
